Day 19: Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity (2009)

I decided to watch the first one, after realising with the fourth film, that viewing these as a comedy makes them better (without the Rifftrax, though it was very tempting), I should watch the first one.  As I'm typing, it hasn't ended yet, and I told the DVD to play the alternate ending, which I don't remember offhand, but let's give it a go.

EXT: BORINGVILLE, AKA SAN DIEGO

PA DEMON

Why did she move in with that guy?  Years trying to bring her into the fold, and now she dates that guy.

PAZUZU

So kill him.  No big deal.  The cult needs more people.  Boss says so.

PA DEMON

It's not that easy!  I nearly blew it with the fire, almost killing her and my vessel's mother.

PAZUZU

Dude.  Humans are stupid.  That's day one training.  The vessel's mother sold you to the sister, and now you're moaning over some nerd with a camera fetish.  So he catches you on camera, big deal.

PA DEMON

They'll make fun of me!

PAZUZU (flustered)

We make fun of you.  Whose opinion do you care about more?  Theirs, or ours. Go in, take control, and carve the boyfriend into an attractive streak.

PA DEMON

Help me.

PAZUZU

No!

PA DEMON

I'm not good at this.

PAZUZU

No shit.  That's why you're the liaison for their cult.  Low level hell-raising.  You can't fuck up the high level stuff, you just can't... Look.  It's this, or work in Hollywood.

PA DEMON

Shit, no.  Not that.  I'm going in.  

"Paranormal Activity 1: Katie's Demon Job Interview," making millions of dollars while cashing in on the found footage genre.  I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the success of a horror movie that inspires me to wash the dishes in another room, or that I'm not involved and not getting a paycheck out of scaring non-gorehounds.  Probably the latter.  

ALTERNATE ENDING: Katie says "no, thanks, I got a better offer.  Christopher Walken just called."  AKA she slits her throat.  Now-- that doesn't kill the sequels, cause if she's already dead... Well, no biggie in their universe.  It just causes more questions from the audience not gleefully filling in the blanks the second the screen goes black.

And then the credits go a little crazy with some blurry names in a three column list.  I cared enough, I'd pause and read them, but eh.  

Now-- where's the youtube version of this where someone's digitally added a Care Bear where the demon is standing?

Would I watch this again? Yes.

Would I own it?  Yes.